A Walk in the Park

Originally written in February 2015.

I did now know what to expect
It was my first time
And I was scared
My heart was jumping around
The blood wildly pumping
My face red and sweaty
With a look of anxiety.

I knocked on the door
Waited for a bit
It was swung open
And I was invited inside.

First thing that I noticed were the pretty flowers on the table
I took a deep inhale
And feelings of serene calm rushed through me
The smell was magical and inviting
And the knots in my stomach lessened a bit.

I noticed the art all over
Paintings on canvas
Structures
Walls covered in paint
All sorts of colors
And emotions.

She came in from the second floor
With her hair loose
And a smile on her face
Almost as tall as me
I gazed at her
Her eyes lovingly looked at me
We were both so young
And scared
Yet I could not contain myself.

We sat at the table
Next to each other
I was still nervous
I could not help but be shy and quiet at first
She laughed at me and called me cute
I smiled modestly and looked away as my heart calmed.

Her idea of a first time was a little bit interesting
And I saw all her baby pictures before even knowing her well
She was so beautiful
With her slender soft hands flipping through the pages
And her red peculiar lips smoothly talking
I did not say much
But smiled and laughed
I could not contain myself
From liking her
From loving her
She made me feel content
And happy
And I could not imagine myself without her.

My first time was great
I have no complaints
It was what you may call
A walk in the park.

But like a walk in the park
All good things must end
I could not foresee it
And it all came crashing down
My first time was much more enjoyable than my last time
And there were so many things I wanted to give to her.

I wanted her to have the world
I wanted her to be happy
I wanted her to be safe
I wanted her to love me
I wanted her to wake up with a smile
I wanted her to trust me
I wanted her to accept me
I never wanted to cause her any pain.

I could never give her all this
Ultimately I failed
In the end
It was just a rainy walk in the park.